I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
