what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
