i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
