so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
