i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
