Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
