So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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