May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
