just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
