Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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