is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
