either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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