I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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