it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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