forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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