the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
