morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
