Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is wine microwaveable?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
