Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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