i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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