He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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