Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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