Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
