All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
