Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
