absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize