dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
