i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
