You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
