I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
