just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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