How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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