mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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