a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
