I swear she didn't look like that last week.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love you. Go after that dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
