i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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