I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
