The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
