i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
