This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
