ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize