I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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