last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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