maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
