god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
