I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
