lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize