i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Houston, we have a blender
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
