He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
