Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
