Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
