Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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