So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
