you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
