dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Boobs speak an international language.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
