I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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