I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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