omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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