He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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