Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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