he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
