Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
