Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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