he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
