as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
