how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
