ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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