I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
