Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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