What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
