as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
