I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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