I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize