So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
