Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
handjob tips. give me some.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
