I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
