thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this beer tastes like vomit already
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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