My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
